The Long, Modest Gowns Painted by Peter Severin Kroyer (1851-1909)

Summer Evening at Skagen, the Artists Wife, 1892

Peder Kroyer was born in Norway and studied art in Denmark, where he lived many years of his life. He painted many beach scenes, including local fishermen, strollers and bathers.

Artist and His Wife

The women's clothing of the time appears to be quite simple. The dress depicted in the above painting, is plain but pretty.

Sommeraften pa Skagen

What a lovely scene here, of strollers on the beach. It is due to artists like this, and the photographs of this elegant era, that we have a glimpse into the clothing and the activities of people in their leisure time. These two casual dresses might be made of white muslin today.

Summer Evening on the Beach at Skagen

This artists was considered the most colorful of the "Skagen Group" of painters of the Victorian era.

Interior, 1898

(these images will be available to order from http://www.lovelywhatevers.blogspot.com/)

This painting gives a glimpse into the interior of a home of the era, showing the carved furniture , the lovely padded Victorian style couch, and the pretty wallpapers. Not everything was designed in straight lines or without embellishment. I love the scene of the mother resting while reading a book, with her daughter near by. This is the kind of scene that could be duplicated at home today. The gowns are also very soft looking and casual.

These industrious artists of the 18th and 19th century certainly left us many clues about how women were dressed and how the homes were ordered;how children played and the many scenes of home life.

There is certainly a "high place" in the lives of women today, regarding clothing. There is an attitude of "no one is going to tell me what to wear." However, when you buy the things on the rack that are designed by someone else to make you look like everyone else, you really are letting someone tell you what to wear. When you are guided by peer pressure to look just like everyone else, you really are letting others tell you what to wear. Some children could design better than the current designs that flood the market and sell cheaply to poor folks who are desperate for something to wear. When you buy their shorts, jeans and tee shirts, you are putting money into the pockets of these designers , who live like kings, while you get poorer and look poorer. I think it is time to chuck the system, wear comfortable clothes, and give children and men something worth looking at besides tears and holes and blank spots where the designers ran out of cloth.

Please remember to POST ANONYMOUSLY. It is very helpful. Thank you!

The Beautiful, Soft, Flowing, Modest, Clothing Depicted in the Art of Alfred Emile Leopold Stevens (1823-1906)

The Lady in Pink, 1867
(If you would like to have one of these posters for your home, go to http://lovelywhatevers.blogspot.com/2009/07/art-of-alfred-emile-leopold-stevens.html

Alfred Emile-Leopold Stevens was a Belgian painter who lived from 1823 until 1906. He was from a family of painters, and his children also grew up to be painters.

In these paintings, you can see how he admired the flowing fabric in the feminine dresses of women. Of all the paintings of the past that I have showcased on this blog recently, the artists were men.

I find it interesting that they were so inspired by the beautiful way women presented themselves in that era, and that they wanted to preserve this beauty in paintings. Generations later, many people can look back and see what women wore, and what men admired about their appearance or the things that they were doing.

Today, women look so terrible, with their shaven heads and their unflattering styles, that it would certainly inspire a teacher of modesty to develop a course of study and illustration for women, more than it would inspire a painter. Perhaps we can get women back into following good sense regarding clothing, and once again inspire the masculine men to paint pictures of them for all time, paintings that future generations would not be ashamed to see.

La Plague, Ostende

This painting should capture your interest, in particular, because it depicts a typical scene of the mid-1800's, of women at the beach. Compare this to today's horrid display of shameful nudity on public beaches, so riske' that it is not safe to take a family with children to the beach for a day of wholesome, innocent recreation.

There are many other beach scenes like this in paintings and photographs, to prove that people found it possible to enjoy a day at the sea without parading around in underwear. The heat did not seem to motivate the pre-twentieth-century population to shed everything and publicly swim, or sunbathe in mixed company. As late as the 1960's, preachers were warning their congregations against what was termed "mixed bathing," (the practice of men and women outside of their own families, swimming together in the public). We have come full circle, and now realize the wisdom in this old-fashioned teaching.

Lady at the Window Feeding Birds

The garment in the above painting could easily be reproduced, if only in a simple way, with a one piece shift, sleeves, and ribbon added on the edges. I am still preparing my "line of clothing" with patterns, and favorite paintings to go with them, just to show you how quick and easy it is to make your own clothing. I think one of the mistakes women make when they want to learn to sew, is to pay for an expensive course that makes it a complicated and unhappy experience. The best way to learn, in my opinion is to sit down or recline, and read your pattern instructions, step by step, so that you can get a picture in your mind of what the steps will be. You might have to get someone to show you where your 5/8 inch seam mark is on the machine, or what certain terms mean, or how to mark darts, or how to place the arrows on the patterns on the straight grain of the fabric. You might have to learn the difference between woof and warp, nap and without nap, stretch or woven, natural or synthetic, but you can do a lot by yourself if you will give yourself some leeway to make mistakes. The point is to enjoy it and enjoy the color and choose a print that speaks to your heart in such a way that you would enjoy wearing it.

All Happiness

You can probably see that a woman need not sacrifice beauty for modesty. Indeed, most immodest clothing actually lacks beauty, femininity and sweetness. We are being pulled along by the fashions on the rack at stores, as if we are supposed to dress immodestly. I like what one woman said about her son telling it like it was, when he said he was disgusted by the amount of women with 75% "off" clothing, because there was only one-fourth of it left when they bought it. That is so true.

Another thing I would like to bring up regarding modesty is the idea that covering yourself from head to toe will insure modesty. It will, if it is not tight. Women who wear tight jeans or pants, are not dressing modestly. In public places, such as restaurants, waitresses have to wear horrible, low cut and tight pants, which look okay when you see them from the front, with their apron wrapped around them, but when they retreat, their behinds are at the eye-level of the seated customers.

I think there has been a lot of mocking about dresses and the clothing of the past centuries, but surely, one would have to agree that if you were seated and a woman walked past, her flowing skirt would not have revealed every single unwanted pound and every roll and every fluctuation of the body, or a clear outline of the private areas. Some may say that at least she is covered, but they know what I am talking about.

There are some excellent articles here, and even though the writer speaks from a certain religious view, (I do not belong to her religion), I am sure everyone pick out some very good reasons for modesty.

http://www.traditioninaction.org/Cultural/C001cp.htm

http://www.traditioninaction.org/Cultural/C000rpMannersCustomsClothingIndex.htm

For information on maternity wear of the previous centuries, go here http://www.worldmags.com/magazine/page.ihtml?pid=333&step=4

I think life is just to short to be saddled with the limited fashions today. Women will have to follow the desires of their hearts and go back to the paintings and study them, in order to reproduce the kind of comfortable and modest clothing that complimented nature, and glorified God.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Please post anonymously. Even if you have a blog, be sure to click "anonymous" before you send in your comment. Thank you.

The Art of Frederick Morgan: Examples of 19th Century Modest, Feminine Dress

"Me Too"

To order these posters for your home, go to www.lovelywhatevers.blogspot.com and look for the Frederick Morgan art.

Frederick Morgan was a British painter who lived from 1847 until 1927. He loved portraying women with children, but sometimes had other artists, such as Arthur Elsely, and other painters, paint the dogs or other animals in his paintings.

"Day on the River"

His father, John Morgan, was also an artist, who took his son out of school in order to teach him to paint. Frederick said of his own father, "He taught me how to make a picture."

"Mother's Darling"

"Enough, And More to Spare"

"Picking Apples"

"Dancing Bear"

"Playtime"

"Won't You Have Some?"

You can see more of the excellent paintings of Frederick Morgan here http://www.oilpaintingfactory.com/english/default.aspx?oilPainting=Morgan%20Frederick_England_1847-1927

The women in these paintings are portrayed in soft, flowing garments, accented with collars, ribbons and lace. The eye is drawn toward the sweet expressions of the women and children.

The Victorian era was the last time women wore such long garments and pretty hats of that type. At that time, little girls looked forward to growing up, so that they could put their hair up and wear long skirts and dresses. Mothers did not believe in pushing their little girls into being too grown up too soon, so they did not allow them to wear long skirts or put their hair up til they became young ladies. Until then, their shorter dresses and bloomers could allow them to run and play .

I find this very interesting, in view of the fact that we are such a backwards society today. Women are taught to believe that they cannot do anything in a dress, yet for centuries before us, women did everything in a dress. Today, little girls are so pretty in their frills and sweet dresses, and mothers are always trying to put their hair up, yet when they reach the age of being young ladies, their clothing becomes more alluring and immodest.

A few years ago, I observed that the summer VBS teachers often taught small children while wearing shorts and t-shirts, both which are obviously immodest, and not very pretty. I wrote about this in an earlier article, challenged teachers to wear something pretty for the children.

I reminded them of just how tall some of those children are, and how their eye-level is sometimes just at the knees of their teachers. Wouldn't it be nice to wear pretty skirts, long, with animal prints or some pretty flowers on them, that would delight the children? Think , too, of what the child's eye-view is, and avoid giving them an eye full of the wrong thing. Tight clothing is not appropriate for children to see on women, and it is not a good way to develop their appreciation of beauty and of clothing.

It is so charming to see a young mother wearing a pretty skirt, with her child hanging on to the edge of that skirt, or hiding behind the skirt. I believe women and children have been cheated out of these wonderful experiences and memories, when they left the Biblical mandate to wear clothing that is flowing and modest.

My opinion of jeans is not very high, because if you have seen one pair, you have seen them all. If you saw one pair 50 years ago, you have seen them all, and if you find a new pair that you have never seen before, you have seen them all. They have never been able to make a pair of jeans look pretty, and they do not hide the woman's privacy, which is what modesty is all about. If you will study these pictures, you will see women and children doing many active things wearing the feminine garment called a dress. I have adapted sewing patterns to some of these paintings, particularly "Playtime" and "A Day on the River." All you have to do, is take any sewing pattern (a dress) for wovens (cottons and linens) and lengthen it, adding a collar or lace in appropriate places.

I appreciated the comments on the previous posts, which were very informative. Please continue to comment anonymously! I especially appreciate the insights on the problem of modesty, so I hope people will continue to post their honest opinions.

We have just experienced a very mutually edifying week and week end of the 4th of July, which included a VBS and an old time gospel meeting.

Many young men preached fine sermons about passing on their faith to their families. It was interesting to watch the men who were called on to speak, hand their babies back to their wives, when they got up to speak or pray. My husband had to make a few announcements, and since his granddaughter was planted firmly on his lap, he just carried her to the pulpit and held her while he made his announcements. I do not know if he even noticed that he was still holding her while he faced the audience. It was truly a family celebration this weekend, and the young ladies and young men were freely mingling with one another, while their parents visited. I enjoyed the multi-generational atmosphere so much.

When it was time for the meeting to close, and those who had come from other towns and states prepared to go back to their homes, my son inlaw, who offered the closing prayer, stated to the audience, " Thank you for coming to see us. You came to edify us and you did. I wish you were not going back where you came from."

This meeting felt a lot like the atmosphere that we once had in churches in the 1940's and 1950's, with a lot of down-home humor and good natured friendship between people of all ages. The singing, which was acapella, sounded as though a throng of angels in heaven had joined us. The children really enjoyed old time hymns and being allowed to sing as loudly as they liked.

A gospel meeting certainly makes people appreciate their house work. We all got behind on it and are looking forward to getting everything back in order. House work seems easy compared to the work that goes into a gospel meeting.

Please remember that you are welcome to comment anonymously, and it is in fact, preferable!

The Art of Frank Benson, from Victoria Magazine July 1992

Eleanor, by Frank Benson 1862-1951

For more paintings by Frank Benson, go to Lovely Whatevers

There is an old saying that "good art imitates nature." In this case, the grand daughters and great-grand daughters of artist Frank Benson, pose to imitate his good art, dressed in similar clothing, which was widely available in the early 1990's.

Posing as Eleanor, approximately 100 years later, for the cover of Victoria Magazine, 1992

"Sunlight" from Lovely Whatevers

Frank Benson painted pictures of his daughters when the family vacationed in a country spot near a lake.



One of Frank Benson's great granddaughters posing his painting in 1992

Above, Frank Benson's painting of one of his daughters on the left; imitated below by one of his descendants.

You can see more art by Frank Benson and read about his family on a website written by one of his granddaughters here http://www.frankwbenson.com/bensonbio.html

All photos are from the July 1992 issue of Victoria Magazine.

Please feel free to continue posting anonymously if you prefer!

These paintings show women with a background of nature, dressed not to defy it but to compliment it. I do so wish the younger women would think of lakes and skies and apple blossoms, white picket fences, and beautiful homes, when they choose their clothing. I know that there is not much available "on the rack" or cheaply, but their mothers can surely pay dressmakers or trade services of some kind, and have good clothing made. In a future post, I will put patterns up that I have found easy, alongside paintings that inspired the look.

Modest Feminine Dress From the Pages of 1990 Victoria Magazine

These models from the July, 1990 edition of Victoria magazine, are draped in loose, flowing garments that work well for every day, at-home or out-and-about. The caption next to the light blue outfit and the pink outfit reads:

"Wearing a silk skirt flowing in the wind, a woman cannot help feeling utterly feminine. Her step acquires a graceful lilt...She may find herself ever mirroring the poses of women in 19th century seascapes painted by Frank Benson..."

Below: "With a simple silk blouse, belted at the waist, a silk rose pinned at her neck, and a folding artists umbrella...she might well be one of the turn-of-the-century art students...who attended "schools in the sand." The most famous of these were hosted by William Merritt Chase, whose school "blossomed every summer with feminine talent"--and an array of artistically dressed women.

Below: "A study in subdued femininity--a tailored oxford cloth shirtwaist dress with a surprise: a hand crocheted butterfly lace collar. Dress by Nancy Johnson." I believe this model's name was Mareeka and she and her children modeled regularly for Victoria, in innocent clothing that was just lovely to look at.

Many times, people would phone Victoria magazine and try to find out where the clothing could be purchased. I believe they began a wonderful and long-needed interest in good clothing during the late 80's and early 90's.

Above: "Just as a wisp of a white cloud is the only adornment befitting a July sky, so too, understated touches make for the most alluring summer fashions. Here, a pure linen shirt-dress, enhanced with embroidery at the collar and cuffs, is paired with the subtlest of accessories: a blue French silk ribbon to accent the waist...

Other pages in this issue feature domestic out door scenes. This issue was where I first saw something called a "food umbrella," above. It was popular a century ago but grew out of favor , for some reason. I did manage to find some of these at a Dollar Tree store. Netting can be substituted for a food umbrella, if you have none. Just drape it over your table to keep the food covered, and anchor it down with glassware or silverware. This only costs about a dollar a yard at fabric stores and comes in all colors.

The arrangements in this magazine inspired women every where to see beauty in every thing they had, from an old vase, to a pen and paper.

The recipes included were: raspberry fool, raspberry puree, and raspberry hazelnut meringue.

Young girls everywhere always flipped to the very back of the magazine when it came, to pour over every detail of the monthly house plans that were featured. They took a magnifying glass and studied the floor plans, got out their father's carpenter measuring tapes and sized up their own doorways, rooms and windows. Then, they would draw their own houses on graph paper and rearrange the floor plan to suit themselves. Victoria's house plans inspired women everywhere to architect their own homes.

Notice how the clothing is made of natural wovens and has sleeves, collars, and long hems, yet the women look so beautiful. Modest dressing will attract attention, but at least it will inspire people who see it.

You will find that people look at you in a positive way and men give positive compliments to women in feminine clothing, but the styles of the day (skimpy, clingy, strappy, low cut, etc) rarely get a compliment. People would be ashamed to say "I love how that big bull's-eye print with the black circle inside the green circle, just sort of lands in the strategic places on your figure." No one would say, "I am so glad to see you in that tight outfit that shows every unwanted pound on your body," and no one would ever say, "I think it is really nice that you have more bare body on you than clothing. I am 80 years old. Can you tell me where I can get a really cool outfit like that?"

This is now the time to post anonymously and say something you have always wanted to say about modest dressing and how to discourage all this nakedness that is going on around us.

You know the Bible says that women should be adorned in modest apparel. "Adorn " means "to drape;"modest means, among other things, "to hide" and apparel means "Loose and flowing." We understand what "drape " means when it comes to closing the ones on the windows to keep out the sun and protect our furniture, but for some reason, people find it difficult to understand why they should drape themselves and their daughters in enough cloth to protect their privacy on their bodies.

In an attempt to be modest, some women fall back on tee shirts and jeans, but these are not pretty and they also are not very modest, as they show every outline of your private areas. Remember that drapes in a house protect the inner belongings of the family from prying eyes or harsh weather. Tee shirts only look good if you are very very thin, but even then, they are still not beautiful and not very inspiring as an influence to younger women. Older women have to clean up their own act first, in the area of modest dress before they can attempt to influence the younger women to dress modestly. If you have gotten used to being in sports clothes, you will find it hard to develop a sense of style and beauty that will inspire the young. Young people are not going to follow some older woman who dresses like something the cat dragged in.

This is the post where you can only comment anonymously and tell your gut feelings about this terrible problem we are having with the fashion designers and their shortage of cloth, so remember to click "anonymous" after you write.

Here is the picture of the dress Barbara Billingsly wore to the grocery store in the 1950's. Many of us dressed up to shop, in those days!

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.leaveittobeaver.org/images/tvg_051361_p1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.leaveittobeaver.org/tvg_artciles/tvg_may61.htm&usg=__AWctc7mkTCNpR9ZdqWKvKhekSzc=&h=300&w=417&sz=45&hl=en&start=1&um=1&tbnid=iw4plNJY2lGrkM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=125&prev=/images%3Fq%3DBarbara%2BBillingsley%2B%252B%2BTV%2BGuide%26hl%3Den%26rls%3Dcom.microsoft:*:IE-SearchBox%26rlz%3D1I7DKUS%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1

Some women might find dresses here http://www.oldpueblotraders.com/pagebuilder/category_landing?cat=apparel&subcat=dresses&pageid=1888&cgid1=2573

and also check catalogs like Chadwicks.

18th and 19th Century Country Women

The Milk Maid by Julien Dupre

French (1851-1910)

A Pet Rose Bush by Jean Baptist-Camil-Corot

French (1796-1875)


A Bavarian Peasant Girl by Franze Von Defregger
Austrian (1835-1921)


Alsatian Peasant Wedding by Benjamin Vautier
Swiss (1829-1898)



Peasant Women Chatting in Normandy by Wencelas de Broczik
Czechoslovakia (19th Century)




Young Peasant Women Talking in Florence, Italy by Cristiano Banti
Italian (1824-1904)

As our family is currently working in our huge vegetable garden, I am reminded of the women of long ago, who did the same.

This is part of my virtual collection of the 18th and 19th century artists rendition of country women and farm women. Though they were hard workers, their clothing was very feminine and modest. The classic style is still a favorite today: peasant skirt, blouse, and vest, sometimes with a scarf tucked in at the neckline. Other details of their clothing can be observed from the paintings.

There is no reason for women to be stuck with the horrid clothing that is available from designers today. Without the benefit of manufactured clothing, even these farm women of the past had adequate clothing that could withstand the wear and tear of hard work.

Photographs at online museams are available in black and white, showing farm women in their typical clothing. I am sure these women did not have to explain why they were wearing long skirts, nor would they have been accused of being "fundamentalists" religious people. The long skirts did not evoke accusations of "legalism," or "you think you are better than me-ism." There was a time when women wearing mens clothing or mens styles was considered quite inappropriate. It is so sad to see how bad women look in their jeans and tee shirts and tennis shoes today. When women sew, they have more power over their fashion style and less dependence upon the fashion of the day, (fad), which can never make up its mind.

Please be sure to click on the paintings for larger views, and click on the highlighted artist names, to see more breath-taking paintings, particularly http://www.rehs.com/virtexjd.htm--scroll down on the page to see all the paintings.

Home With Children I

Mother and Children, by William Adolphe bouguereau (1825-1905)

Children at home provide an excellent opportunity for mothers to grow and develop maturity and talents. Trying to make some little thing, such as the card below , made especially for boys, is like learning all over again the things you might have missed when you were a youngster.

No mother should be bored at home if she is aware of the many things there are to do with children. I will elaborate more about this on a future post. In the meantime, here is a simple card, made to look like a paint can, that a child can have a lot of fun making.

Click on for a larger view. This fits inside a square card envelope. For the brand-name, write your last name across the paint tin. There are so many things you can use to make this, that it is hard to know what to choose. You can either use textured cardstock, as I did, to represent the spilled or drippy paint on the edge of the can or the brush, or you could use crayons, or glitter glue. Glitter glue takes awhile to dry and should be set out in the sun or in front of a heater, but it looks so glossy and real, that it might be fun to use, if the child is old enough, and you can write your own words on the inside, and send it to whomever you wish.
Make a tab to put the handle of the paint brush in. there is one included in the pattern, below.

Cut two pieces of cardstock and clip them like a brush and insert them under the cap on the other side of the brush. Punch a hole in the handle.


Here is the pattern. Highlight it and paste it on another page and print it out. And Then glue it to cardboard for a template to trace around. This project works best with cardstock, especially textured cardstock.


Here is another project your little boy might enjoy. It is a fold open card that stands up and shows a scene, cut from a used calendar picture.




This is just a portion of a calendar picture that is glued onto a back of a cereal box. It is folded strategically so that the flat part of the scene is on the table and the building and sky are standing up. Add a little stand-up boat to the water by cutting out the little boat I have provided on the pattern below.

Just paste the pattern below on card board and trace around it. This takes a larger envelope if you plan to mail it.

Victoria Magazine June 1990, 1994

The first few years of the original "Victoria" magazine showed household objects in an artistic light. The detailed photographs made you look at ordinary things a little differently. Things of the past were showcased in color families, making nostalgic pictures of things everyone probably already had stashed away in a box. It made you want to get it all out and look at it; appreciate it.

The birdcage, on the right, was a preferred emblem of the Victorian people, who viewed it as a sign of domestic contentment. Practically every home had one, even if there was no bird in it.

I liked the buttons in the upper left hand corner of the above picture. I have a collection of unusual buttons, and I take buttons off worn garments and store them in a canning jar with a lid. ( I have many favorite kinds of buttons.....including the delete button.....)

These photos from the 1990 June issue can be clicked on for a full view. In the back of each magazine was a detailed list of where every item in the picture came from or could be purchased.

Here, a herbal bouquet was a suggestion for a bridal bouquet, with the names of the herbs in the sketch below.

This is lovely, isn't it? It gives you ideas for what to do with a few things to make a pretty setting outside, even if you only have a small space.

This is one of my favorite pictures from June 1990; a wedding at home. Here, the living area is created for guests, and the dining table is set with an exquisite tea set and cake. I like the idea of a wedding and reception at home. It is not so expensive, and money can be used for important things that are more lasting.

Tribute to Helen

"Fascination" by Francesco Didioni (1859-1895)

Yesterday the world lost a crusader for the home as it has been known (man, woman, children) for hundreds of years. When militant feminism, a false doctrine with its roots in envy, promoted by false philosophies of this world, including Marxism, reared its ugly head in the 1960's, Helen rose to the challenge with her teachings on the home and family. Her books earned international attention, and she was seen on interviews all over this nation. She bravely endured the malicious verbal attacks and threats from those who did not agree with her. She kept a refined demeanor in the fury of those bent on discrediting her.

Helen warned that if women insisted on the "right" to work, they would change the economy so much that one day, even those who did not want outside employment, would be forced to work, and she was right. Many people learned about the harm in the false teachings of feminism, and the joy of the true female purpose, through her books. She wisely created interest in the cause of marriage through classes. She recruited teachers of all faiths to host classes in their meeting houses, in their church buildings, and in their homes. She provided teachers manuals and inspiring work books to make women's duties and responsibilities in marriage and the home, as glorious as they were meant to be. Thousands of women around the world benefited from these classes.

The first class I attended was as a teenager. Some older women in a little church of Christ in Edmonton, Alberta , bought me her book for single women and invited me to the class they taught. It was like sitting at the feet of the Biblical women like Sarah, Naomi, and Dorcas. Many teen girls that year were lifted up from the oppression of feminism, to the higher calling of wives, mothers and home guides.

The success of her teachings were based upon some little booklets that were published in the early part of the 20th century, called "The Secrets of Fascinating Women." Some of these booklets may have dated back to earlier publications of the 1800's, giving advice to women about their value in society through the guiding of the home and the raising up of good children. Quite a few of these old booklets can still be found in antique stores, or online bookstores. They were written by several different authors, on subjects that concerned women, telling them how to handle strife or problems that naturally occur in marriage relationships, without causing a "stir." Helen updated these booklets and revised them slightly, putting them into one large book.

They were teachings that were so needed at a time of political and social unrest in the world; teachings that would make marriages stable in an unstable world. This was not a set of rules of her own making, but of time-tested truths acknowledging the important differences between men and women throughout the ages. The classes gave the books much more meanings, as they taught women how to apply the lessons. Anyone that ever attended a class will remember what it was like to see the illustrations and the special preparations that made the sessions so important. They made you see your way to changing things for the better.

Because her books and classes were so popular, other authors parroted them with their own versions of the basic teachings, but Helen's books outlasted all the others. Lacking the carnal nature of a few of the imitators, her books contained a classical element and their value rose and withstood the test of time.

I had personal contact with Helen over the years, and when I began to home school my children, I wrote a letter to her to share my joy with her. I had been greatly influenced by the things she said in her book on child rearing, called "All About Raising Children," in which she showed how inadequate the public schools were in teaching children. Though she had not heard of homeschooling, she forwarded my letter on to all of her children. She wrote to me that, based on my letter, her children had decided to home school their children. She described what a wonderful change it had made in the lives of these families.

Although she had over 60 grandchildren and over 100 great-grandchildren, Helen took an interest in my own children. The last letter that she wrote to me, a few months ago, asked, "How is your daughter and her husband and family? I have a great interest in them." I spoke several times, over the years, to Helen, over the telephone, before the days of computers. Helen's voice sounded a lot like mine, I thought. We discussed the trend of women getting more base and crude in the way they spoke and dressed, and she said to me, "They are in the dark."

Helen was a candle in the dark, broken home lives created by the false teachings of feminism. The world has lost one more older woman that younger women could actually look up to.

It is grievous to see among the praise, the appalling, heartless and cruel words left on websites, written by young people who never knew her. You are welcome to post any story you have regarding this subject, here. Thank you, and God Bless you all for your kind words.

Ebay and Amazon may yield copies of her book, "Fascinating Womanhood," and it can be purchased new at the bookstore on the Fascinating Womanhood site. Pay no attention to the rude reviews of this book. Helen was always very gracious about overlooking faults in other people, and she viewed the angry antics of feminists with the attitude that they were just women "in the dark." Some of the hostile women who read her book, eventually came to think differently about the importance of having a lasting marriage. Her web page is http://www.fascinatingwomanhood.net/ As in all things, use your discernment and take what is useful to you, gleaning what you can. To read some of "The Secrets of Fasscinating Women" online, go here http://www.healthhouse.co.nz/FW%20Book/Fascinating%20Womanhood%20book%20Chap%201%20-%20Angela.pdf

The Work of Her Hands

It is so important for women to have a worthwhile work to do with their hands. The work of the hands engage the mind and give a kind of relief from stress. Proverbs 31 speaks of "the work of her hands." It does not say "let the amount of parties she hosts praise her in the gates," or the amount of speeches she makes praise her," or "the stylish way she dresses." There is probably a good reason that the verse emphasizes "the work of her hands," instead of all the other great things that can be done.

In past posts I have told my own reasons for the belief that I have that women should learn to do useful things with their hands. One reason is that it prevents a kind of frustration and idleness that can result in other things that are destructive, rather than constructive. When people do not have a skill and do not know how to do anything, they find it easier to smoke, drink, throw dice,** (to gamble)or constantly text message friends, until they find that half of life is gone without having made one single thing of any beauty to be remembered by or to pass to the next generation to copy. Our hand work tells something of our values, our customs, and of our beliefs about life.

The older women can do a lot to help the younger ones learn to keep a pretty house and make things for others. Just one student makes a class, and once a week a lesson can inspire some younger woman. If you can't get anyone to come to your home, you can teach something online, whether it is cleaning, sewing, cooking, knitting, or gardening. I do hope to move on to some of those other important skills, but today I have an easy card that fits into a regular sized card envelope, that some child might like to try.

This is a picnic basket card that can be used for an invitation or a letter or a card. It is made with white card stock, a gel pen, a small rubber stamp, crayons, and a trim for the handle. You can make your own handle with paper or any kind of ribbon you have. Notice the clasp made with a strip of card stock glued on the right and left sides, through with another strip is placed. You can see it there in the middle.

This is the pattern for your template for the picnic basket card. Right click and highlight it and then paste it on another document or on your own email to send to yourself. Then print. You might be able to get someone to help you do this. I hope it comes out alright for you.

Notice where the strip of card stock is placed at the top, inside the card.

Just use your rubber stamps (sometimes available at the dollar store) and color the image with crayons. Write your invitation with a matching gel pen and outline your card with the same color.

For a variation on this card, copy the pattern below and make pockets, dishes and a picnic blanket to put inside.

This is what the inside looks like with the special pockets and picnic accessories. You have to use printer paper for these things, or any lightweight, thinner paper.

You can click on this to view the details.

The plates are rubber stamped with the same image as the outside of the card, and outlined in green crayon. Please click on for a larger view. This is a free hand drawing made by me, and so it might not be completely accurate. You may have to do some trimming after you fold your card, to make it fit evenly. I make my shapes by folding paper in half and drawing half of the object, then cutting and opening it up to full size.

After you get it all put together and folded and closed with the clasp, you can make a stand for it by cutting a rectangle of card stock and folding it in half. Then glue one half to the back of the card, putting the cut edges even with the bottom of the card, and stand it up.

Even though I do a lot of sewing and gardening, I put paper crafts on the blog because they are quick and easy and you can do them with people who have beginners skills. You can click on the photo at the top, and see more details of this card craft. The enlargement will show you what the clasp looks like.

To make it look like a woven wooden basket or a wicker basket, draw broken lines with a gel pen or any other pen, across, and then alter lines going vertically, as shown. Then, use your gel pen to color in, but not solidly.

**"The best way to throw dice, is to throw them out." - advice written by an author who lived between 1835 and 1910

Protecting Our Daughters

Reading

by Joshua Hargrave Sams Mann
(1849-1884)

When summer begins, very young girls are allowed to go to the grocery store in what would have been considered underwear a hundred years ago. Most of these girls do not even know that they are dressed in a way that will attract the worse elements of society and put them in great danger. I wrote previously about the importance of modest dress when trying to protect our daughters, here http://homeliving.blogspot.com/2009/03/protecting-our-daughters-with.html

In the Old Testament, not only was any kind of nakedness (even exposing the thigh was considered nakedness) forbidden, but people were warned not to even look when someone was not dressed modestly or was uncovered.

In the New Testament, women are given special instruction to behave shamefacedly, and dress in modest apparel. Shamefacedness is a type of modest shyness, similar to self-consciousness. It is something that causes you to perhaps pull a shawl a little closer to you in some situations, not wanting undue attention drawn to yourself.

Dress Design from Brown Stone Studio

This same shamefacedness goes beyond modest dress, into modest behavior. One of the most dangerous situations today for young girls is the supposedly innocent fund-raiser called the car-wash.

Parents do not realize why their daughters, dressed in sun-bathing clothing, (short tops and short shorts) are facing traffic and holding up car-wash signs. These girls will attract attention by their immodesty. This is not a shamefaced act; this is a brazen act that will bring more danger to them than you can imagine.

Just this month, on the left-coast of our nation, girls like that are being snatched, pulled into cars, and taken away to be sold in a large city for the purpose of slavery. You may have thought this could only happen in a less advanced nation, but it is happening in the west, as well. Check this link . While some people wait for years for a state legislature to fix such a problem, parents can make such a tragedy non-existent by protecting their daughters.See also

http://assetcampaign.org/ and http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/slavery-map/

It is important to read the above links before making any kind of assessment about freedom and protection.

We have to quit denying that our daughters are in danger when they are immodestly dressed, and when they are away from home. There is no guaranteed safe place in a public setting unless their parents are with them. There is certainly nothing risky about keeping our children around us. It is better to be safe, than to be sorry. Being protected by the family, does not mean a girl will be locked up in her house. Families go where they please, and daughters are alway safer in public when they are with their own families.

Cruises, colleges, apartments, dorms, and even the workplace, can be places where our precious daughters are in danger. No one wants to admit it, even after seeing the tragic results on the news. I do not even think that a school bus is safe for any child, but people will put their trust in other people to look after their children. There is an old saying that is appropriate here: if you want something done right, it is better to do it yourself. If you want your daughter to be safe, it is better to take care of her yourself, than to put her life in the hands of other people. They just are not as alert and they do not have the natural emotional attachment that makes us protectors of our children.

Protecting our daughters does not mean they will have no freedom or lack of fun. Families can do anything together. Daughters are not safe, even with a group of girls their own age, at a mall. In fact, that attracts more attention. Rarely does anyone "lose" their daughter when she is with the family or with her parents. The family was created to provide the protection that daughters need.

Personally, I see danger even in allowing girls to spend the night at others girls homes, for slumber parties, when there is a low adult/young person ratio.

If daughters cannot go anywhere by themselves safely, what can they do? The answer is not complicated: be accompanied by the parents and family. This provides a perfect opportunity for the mothers to take their rightful places in the daughters lives. They can take them out in the day time to various cultural activities that will also build their character. They can provide a social life within the home atmosphere. They can help them develop good taste in clothing and good standards in style.

Mothers need to be everything that a best friend would be. The great difference is that a mother will have the experience that is necessary to give a caution to their daughters and protect them, something that girlfriends are unable to do. Even if the parents do not provide a social life for their daughters, these young women can learn to be content at home with books and numerous quiet activities which require the use of the imagination.

At the basis of immodesty and unwise independence is a dependence on what others think. We must teach our daughters that their safety is more important than the social approval of others. Young women do not need to think that they cannot wear pretty clothes if they dress modestly. Immodest clothing is not very pretty at all.

They also do not need to fear that they will not have a social life. Families provide a much better social life than friends do. I have kept a guest books over the years, just to see how rich our social life at home was. I am amazed at the hundreds of signatures in these books. They did not come all at once. There were no huge gatherings. There was just enough for our family to enjoy evenings of singing or games. There was just enough to enjoy a meal together. There was just enough to create interesting activities that enriched the young people.

Families also provide better vacations and outings and have more knowledge of the world than young people. Daughters with such families who like to go out have a rich social life without being in danger.

Other families have done this, and today, they can say that their daughters lived in safety. Their daughters did not end up warped for life just because they did not dress in the current immodest attire and hold up a car wash sign. Their daughters did not end up without a personality just because they did not stay up all night partying with friends. These are well adjusted adults who now have families of their own.

We need to take another look at the way we are doing things in this country and to care more about the safety of our daughters than about their social standing with others.

The Pleasant Times is featuring a post about dressing with restraint. There are many new posts up on that blog for the month of June.

See this video about modest clothing.

Here is a link of the story of one woman's harrowing experience which involved two things: immodest dress and being alone without protection of family.

Please read that link.

There will always be those who will say I am advocating something that I am not, and so I will clarify:

I am not saying daughters should have absolutely no freedom, ever.

I am not advocating that people hide their daughters from the world, but that the world does have to go through the proper authorities and guardians before gaining access to these girls. Often girls would like to be protected but their parents are under their own kind of peer pressure to allow their daughters to roam free in public, at younger and younger ages; far too young to be safe.

I am not saying daughters have to be locked up in the house.

I am not saying we should throw a blanket over daughters when we take them out.

I am not saying that daughters should be treated as though they had no rights. Protecting them gives them more rights: the right to live in safety.

I am not saying girls can never go anywhere. There is nothing wrong with going with their families on outings or other places.

I am not saying daughters should not get married.

There are plenty of married women who were brought up within the protection of their parents that are happily married today.

Before jumping to conclusions about what I am saying, please be sure to read ALL the links provided within this article. The U.S. is not a safe place for young women alone. Just click on your news and see who is the current missing person and you will notice it is mostly the young women. There is nothing wrong with keeping these girls protected and alive. When young women are alone and are assaulted, they do not value their rights as much as they value their lives. They would much rather be home and safe, than be out having "freedom" with danger.

Butterfly-Shaped Letter paper

This butterfly shaped writing paper will be a delight to write on, and provide a cheerful greeting for a loved one. If you prefer a different shape for your butterfly, you can draw your own pattern just by folding a piece of paper in half and drawing half of your butterfly, leaving the folded edge intact. Cut out the shape in whatever colors you like.

This is a very old paper craft, made with thin, pastel typing paper, which comes in a package of 4 or 5 colors. It does not work well with fancy papers or papers with thickness.

Cut all four sizes, each in a different color, using the templates provided at the end of this post. At this point, you might like to just use the larger page and cut several of them, instead of the graduated sizes for pages. My drawings are all free hand, so they are not accurate, and you may have to adjust your butterflies by trimming them to the right sizes. You can punch holes in the middle and thread curly ribbon or some other kind of string or trim, and tie it on the inside...

...or, you can put a strip of glue on the back of each piece and glue the pages down that way. Stack all the pieces together and center them as best you can, by making sure the colors all show evenly on the edges. This is what it looks like with punched holes and a curly ribbon tie.

Fold the letter in half after you write on the pages, keeping the tied ribbon on the inside, so that it will not be too bulky inside the envelope.

This folded butterfly fits quite easily inside a card envelope. Remember, you can also cut your butterfly all the same size if you like. However, these graduated sizes look so pretty in the colors, don't you think?

Use childrens glitter poster paints to paint around the edges for this effect. If you only have plain paper, there is no end to what you can do with this project. I have added a butterfly booklet with glitterized edges, using a solid glue stick.

I have been getting so many ideas about subjects to post, or crafts, that I have had an awful time deciding where to start. That is why there have not been a lot of posts lately.

Highlight this pattern, and then paste it on your open office or your word pad, or whatever will let you do it. Then print it out. I hope this works for you, but if it does not, you can get an idea how to draw it.

An Enduring Marriage

The Joy of Giving, painted by Albertina Palau, 19th Century

(Our settings have been changed, so if you need to copy an article for your notebook, just highlight it and paste it on to your email or some other type of document, and then click print.)

Many women want to be successful in the home. Carrying out this responsibility does not always depend upon favorable circumstances, or upon the co-operation of those around you. Women whose husbands have not been interested in following the Christian way of life, have still been able to have long marriages and stable home lives.

One of the most common misunderstandings about the home is that it should not have too many trials. Certain things should just "never happen," and if they do, then the marriage must be "ending," or "over," or, the home life and the parents authority are no longer "valid."

There was a commonly held belief that was spread around a few decades ago, that marriages that were not happy were not valid marriages, and that a home life that was uncomfortable or unpleasant in any way, was worthless. This belief was accompanied by the notion that if you were not "happy," you should leave the husband or the home.

If we are to ever be truly at peace, and truly happy in the home, then we must return to the old paths, where the good walk is (see the verse beneath the header on this blog.) In those paths, or that way of life, the verse says, you will find "peace for your souls." I hope to share just one or two things that women used to do that helped their marriages remain stable in hard times.

The term "old paths" does not mean you have to stop using your car or any convenient invention. It does not mean that you cannot go to the grocery store or use a computer. The old paths means to follow the beliefs that were laid forth from the beginning of the creation; beliefs that would guide your actions.

One of the first "old paths" you can read about in the Bible, is that of caring for someone other than yourself. Eve was created to be a "help-meet" for Adam. Adam was to toil by the sweat of his brow, to earn a living for his family. Cain, the first child ever born in the world, wanted to know, "Am I my brothers' keeper?" If women would focus on the care of the family and the house, they would find that they soon lose their focus on their husband's faults. When you are unhappy with your husband, you might try listing the many things you need to do at home to make life better, including house work, studying,serving others, or home maintenance.

The old paths, where the good walk is, which teaches us to serve others, will give us peace. First Corinthians 13 gives the perfect answer to those who want to know how to show love to their husband: through patience, kindness, and unselfishness.

In a previous post, I showed how a marriage could be compared to a ship, which was built for rough seas. Although the inside of the ship is safe and sheltered, the outside would endure the rougher seas. To say that it would only be worth sailing in during calm seas and sunny weather, would be to deny its purpose as a vessel created for the sea. Some critics of marriages will be quick to point out that the couple is "not happy," or that they argue, and that therefore, the marriage does not "work." Marriage was designed to serve the needs of a husband and a wife in difficult times, as well as in good times. It is such an important design, that no matter what kind of turmoil goes on around you, you can feel peace if you are doing your part to follow the old paths.

Couples are continually maturing. If they give up on their marriage when there are disagreements and failures, they lose the chance to mature and endure, and to pass on the example to their children and others.

The family is designed so brilliantly by God that when one person is sick, and not performing their duties to their mate, they are still married. Without children, it is still a marriage. When a husband is earning a living but hardly home, it is still a marriage. When the family has no money, there can still be a marriage. Many people during the Great Depression endured harder times that we do today, yet it did not destroy their marriages. While a wife or husband may be inadequate in their marriage, it is still a marriage, because God created it, and that is the way it is.

Just because a man is not the "spiritual leader" like a wife may want him to be, does not mean he is not a husband and does not mean there is no marriage. Everyone has seen long marriages where the wife, in her later years, loses her memory and does not recognize her husband or anyone else in the family. It is still a marriage. If a man is physically injured and has to live on a disability pension, would his wife complain that he was not a good marriage partner to her, and that he was not participating in the marriage or in the raising of his children? She would probably understand that this was a difficult situation. She would, hopefully, not add to his wounds by indicating that he was no more to her than a disability pension. His value as a human being would still be felt, and there would still be a marriage, in spite of his human frailty.

Today, people attempt to define marriage in their own eyes, according to their own likes and dislikes. If women want to have enduring marriages, they must return to the old paths, where the good walk is.

There are people today who remember their own parents marriages. They recall that their fathers were in their shop, garage or barn, building something or tinkering with a tractor, while their mothers were sewing, gardening, or visiting. Though they were not always in the same room together, their marriage was solid and they served their families.

Problems occur when people start re-defining their family according to the beliefs of the prevailing culture. This culture says that if something is inconvenient, difficult, distressful, uncomfortable, lonely, or poor, you shouldn't have to endure it. They misunderstand the meaning and benefit of endurance.

James 5:11 Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.

A young women with three little boys consulted with the elders of the church where she worshipped. Her husband had not been behaving as he should. He was not involved with her in raising the children. She was not happy in her marriage and felt that she was being neglected. The wise, elderly men, who had already raised their children, gave her some very Biblical advice from the old paths. One of them read several passages from the scriptures including Titus 2, (wives are to love their husbands and children and guide the home) Ist Timothy 5:14,(younger women are to marry and raise children and keep house) and Ist Peter 3:1-2 (wives to win their husbands by their good example). They told her several ways to carry out these things:

1. Be a keeper at home. Even though your husband is not carrying out all his responsibilities as a husband, it does not mean that you abandon your responsibilities as wife and mother and keeper of the home. You will benefit him and your children and yourself by doing what is right, no matter what the difficulties are.

2. Make sure you live your beliefs, not talk them, because he will notice more what you do that what you say. Do not neglect to attend worship services faithfully, with your children. It is tempting to give up, but it is that weekly observance that may one day win your husband and bring him in to the faith. If he does not obey the gospel, he will at least gain respect for your religion if you are faithful.

3. Keep doing the things that you are supposed to do, and give him the choice to do what is right. Most people do not respond well to others pushing them. When it is their idea and it is something they want to do, they will be more motivated.

4. Have a stable home life, so that you will build under yourself and your children some habits and beliefs that will build a good support structure for you. Eventually your husband will recognize the difference in his own home, compared to the world that beckons him.

5. Do not worry if you do not see results. Some women may never results in their husbands, but they will at least have done what is right and good and created a good reputation for their marriage. They will have developed good things in their character and they will have lived a life of service to the ones God put in their care.

This was a sensible way that women of old would handle problems at home. Though they had troubles, they were reliable and faithful to their homes and families. They did what they could. Many of them had more hardships that women today have to endure, yet you can see on the old tombstones their names and the names of their husbands, with the words "married 5o years."

The young woman that did follow this advice is still married today and her husband has been dedicated to his family. If it were not for this stablizing advice, they may not have had such good success in their home.

Some wives will not follow this plan because they want to be guaranteed that it will "work." We are not told to find something that will work. We are told to be guides and guards of the home. Women need to make sure that they are doing all they can at home, before they try to reform their husbands. When you are tempted to be discontent, just be glad that you have a husband who is providing. Practice not complaining about anything. Remember the trials of people before you and learn to patiently endure.

Many years ago, I viewed a movie called "The Trap." It was the story of a rugged frontiersman, a trapper, who was looking for a wife. He was so rough and rowdy that he could not get any wife except a young, mute woman. She went with him to his cabin in the wilderness. She endured his rude manners with patience. When he threw something on the floor, she picked it up. When something was dirty, she washed it. When it was time to eat, she cooked food. They had many hardships, and her husband grew in his admiration of her and even changed some of his habits. It was a dramatic film with breathless scenery, but it could have been the story of an ordinary woman at home today who faithfully attends to keeping the home and guarding her family. (Warning: not for young children. The trapper is depicted getting his foot caught in a trap, and more. Unfortunately this is not available on DVD yet. If it were, you could fast forward this unpleasant part ;-) Scroll down on this link and see some screenshots and a storyline of this film http://members.cox.net/rjd0309/tush/1964.htm

Before you become unhappy with your husband, ask these questions:

*Do you always make the right financial decisions?

*Have you ever made a mistake in buying something that was too expensive, that you really could have done without?

*Have you ever missed an important opportunity because you forgot?

*Are all your papers organized?

*Is your book shelf organized?

*Is your laundry caught up?

*Do you have good organizing habits? Are you able to keep up with housework?

In reality, most women cannot possibly live up to this list, but it is designed to show you that women are not perfect. It also shows that when women have some interests at home, they will be too absorbed in them to notice the failings of their husbands, or too involved in their own business to correct their husbands. Personal freedom is precious, and to have a choice to change makes that change much more meaningful. If wives could also take up the job of praying for their husbands, they may learn to rely on God and not on themselves to change their marriages for the better.

To watch "The Trap" go here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK5xq7XKs0g&feature=PlayList&p=731FBB06F0742D7D&index=0&playnext=1 The scenes do not need to be clicked each time, as utube did a great job of making them come on automatically after each segment is finished.Warning: not an entirely pleasant film, and probably more of a "guy-film" than a gal-film.

When Children Are Grown

Generations, by Loren Entz

Maybe you have no children, and have been taking care of the business of home for many years. All of a sudden, it seems like you are getting pressure from all sides to quit your job at home and go get outside work for wages. *Or, perhaps you have raised your children and the world sees that as a end to your duties at home. You are on the receiving end of remarks like, "When are you going to to get a job?" or, "Don't you know the economy is going to get bad? Shouldn't you get a job and help out?"

While this is typical of the remarks you might get from the world, it is disappointing to hear it from Christian women. Sometimes even elders wives and preacher's wives will advise women to leave the home and go to work when their children are grown. It shows how far away from the teachings of Christ that they have strayed. It shows how much they are paying attention to social reports and how little they are paying attention to God's word. It shows how dependent upon circumstances they are, rather than being dependent upon God.

You can read more about this in my article, "Do What God Says Do, And Let Him Take Care of the Rest." The comments there are also very informative.

There are many women who always thought they would enter the job market when their children grew up and left home, but they found out the work at home is never done, and only seems to escalate when the children are gone. While once the children mowed the grass, did the laundry, cooked, checked the mail, answered the phone, and even took over the driving for errands, now it is all left to the homemaker again.

She finds also that life after the children are grown begins to move much more swiftly, so much so, that she cannot keep up. She will find she accomplishes even less, now, as she must not only take care of the home, but catch up on things she put off while the children were home. If she never had children, she finds the demands on her time are enormous. She may have her husband's parents to tend to, to check on, or to take out on appointments. She may also have her own parents who depend on her.

Mothers of grown children find that they are still as active in their lives as they ever were, if not, more. This is because now that the care and training is finished, there are places to go and things to do with adult children. Some children who marry, prefer to socialize with their parents and grandparents. Most moms who raised their children in a Christian home, and many of those who educated their own children, find that these adult children prefer the company of their mothers. This takes much, much time. People who do not have this closeness, will not understand. They will want you to be out working and bringing in money. They will not understand the necessity of your being at home, creating an orderly life for your family, or taking care of the needs of others.

Sometimes there are grown daughters who are looking forward to getting married and having their own home, until someone comes along and intimidates them. "Why aren't you going to college?" they ask. I warn you not to say "I can't afford it," because someone will always find you a loan and then your daughter will be working for years and years to pay for it. Her dream will get further and further away as the interest on her Sallie Mae mounts. These people have been somewhat programmed by the messages they hear over and over that education is more important than families.

Feminism was a social engineering program to give young women careers instead of families, and it begins with the kind of education you allow your daughter to have. Public schools and many colleges have a great deal of feminist influence. From the very beginning of public school, girls are taught that they will be in a career. Very little, if any of that education, will help them have a long lasting marriage and raise good children with strong spiritual values.

I discussed how those college years take over the most fertile years of their youth, the years when they should be having children, carrying them, lifting them, taking care of them, in my article called "Don't Miss Out on Life". In this post, I showed how striving after more and more education, and then higher and higher career moves, takes up a major part of one's life. Even in the 1800's, women who made great accomplishments in life, were known to have said, "I would have traded it all for marriage and a home." (See the May edition of The Pleasant Times for more quotes like this.

If a young woman has training in a field that will never go out of business, she will still have a lot of competition to get the job and to stay in it.She will have to continually update her education in order to keep abreast of the career.This can be stressful and expensive. She may not stay in the career; she may grow tired of it and want a change, even after all that.

If your grown daughter wants to be home and practice for being a wife and mother or homemaker in her own home, she will not have any competition. Her home will be her own and she will be the queen of it. Think of homemaking as owning one's own business, without competition. Just when she thinks that homemaking and taking care of a family might be monotonous, things begin to change. People in the family mature, there are new family events, and things in the house change too. There is always something going on at home. There is also the opportunity to change your life whenever you want to, without taking it to a staff meeting or passing it through congress.

If intimidating comments are getting you down, you might try saying something like, "I'm still studying that question for a good answer. I do not have all the answers. I am determined to do God's will as it is laid out in His written Word. I want to be an example to my daughter by being a guide of the home."

Other answers might be:

"When I get everything caught up at home, then I'll consider getting a job outside the home."

"If there is an economic depression, there will not be many jobs available. I'll let the women who have no providers in their families, have those jobs."

"My husband has left provision for us in case something happens to him. Right now, we are able to live on his salary and it is a great source of satisfaction for him."

"I am still needed at home. I must do my duty."

"If it really bothers you, please come to tea and my daughter and I will be able to explain it to you at length."

If there are those in churches who are chiming in with the world's belief that women without children ought to be working, then they fall under the category of the "unbeliever." Of course, they may believe in God, and attend church, but in certain areas, they have doubts. The way to teach some unbelievers is the same way as winning unbelieving husbands: without the word, and by their good conduct. The way you live will make a believer out of them. (Ist Peter 3:1)

I cannot tell you how strengthening it is just to have one lady in a congregation who is staying home, dedicated to the needs of her family. That one woman makes others feel that it is okay to be home. That one dedicated life flows outwards to the lives of others and gives them courage. Just doing what you do exposes others to the idea of it. They get used to it. After seeing you, week after week, it starts to seem normal to them.

Anna T at "Domestic Felicity"

has some good posts to encourage women at home who have heard "those" remarks about going to "work."


*Wages are supposed to be an equal exchange of your time, for money. When you go to work outside the home, you give up the time you would spend maintaining the home, in exchange for money. If it necessitates putting your children in daycare, you are also exchanging their time at home for that wage. There are extreme exceptions and emergencies, but these are not the norm.

Brenda writes:

I've certainly enjoyed the comments as well. I have been thinking about something lately that bothers me, concerning all the emphasis put on having women in the work force (in addition to the very valid observations made here): it's as though we've allowed our pride in the well-known "work ethic" to be perverted in some cases, & to grow to monstrous proportions in others. This cannot be what God intended. For instance, think about the "self esteem" movement that governed every word an adult said to a younger person. I would hear the phrase "Good job!" spoken to someone who had done nothing to merit such praise [please know that I am not referring to the extremely young child, who needs lots of encouragment for many things :o)]. But then, we (society) turn around & rail against any woman who would dare to give her best, & use her intellect & skills to bring sanity, harmony, peace, & beauty into her own home. It's so twisted. I'm so weary of hearing & reading things that extol the virtues of family togetherness..."make time for your kids!"... & how "it's the little things that matter most", & then hold the person who can make all this a reality in such low regard.

I haven't, truthfully, been the recipient of very much negativity concerning my stay-at-home position. If so, I usually just smile & carry on with the facts, no different than if I'd been discussing the weather with the person talking to me. Still, it hurts to read about other women who DO feel as though they're being scrutinized & interrogated. Stay the course, ladies!!! Your husband needs you, your children need you, & yes, whatever country you call home needs you. :o)

My comment:

Brenda, You are right about the over concern that we are "working." Our own mothers and grandmothers were so much more natural in their roles that they saw more to it than work. Work was just a part of it. However in high school and some colleges, even guys are taught that a woman at home is just freeloading and that she should pull her fair share of the load. That is how perverted the woman's purpose at home has become in the eyes of those who teach contrary things.

A lower importance is put on the home guide because there is no "pay" involved. The one who gets money is considered more worthwhile, and of course, no one wants to be inferior or be accused of "not working." In the eyes of the world, pay and work go hand in hand, but in the Lord's eyes, we are valuable whether we are doing something for money or not. In actual fact, the homemaker is doing some of it for financial reasons, because her actions help the husband's money stay in the family instead of going out the door for every product or service. That way they can hang on to what belongs to them and not part with every penny as soon as it comes in. There is a lot more to it than finances the wife athome has been turned into a source of debate and politic.

I wonder when these paintings of the 19th century were done, if the populace felt the same way about women. Why would a painter put a woman at home in such good light, if the political climate thought she was not earning her keep, or looked down on being a home guide. Many men at the time sought wives to save them from a "bleak life" (a term used in stories of the era), of loneliness and comfortless homes.

To have a woman at home meant you would be looked after, in exchange for being provided for. Now the powers that be think they have a better system but look what it leads to: women not able to be free to be home, whether they can work every minute, or whether they just want to rest.

In our grandmothers day, as long as the woman was home, no one dictated to her how her day would be spent. and no one would have dared to ridicule or question her decision to be at home. Actually she didnt even have to make a choice or a decision. She was in a privileged position and she was allowed to be home, even wanted, there.

It is important for men to be able to earn a living, but some of that depends upon the woman admiring that and giving a man honor for it. When he has that responsibility, which differs from hers, it gives him dignity and motivation. There is a good article http://denisdutton.com/baumeister.htm where some explains what motivates men to achieve. It takes some concentration to read, but it would clear up some misunderstandings about the interests that women have vs. the interests that men have. I will add to that idea that in marriage, men and women gain similar interests regarding the welfare of the family and the building of the home life, but they still will find themselves drawn to different responsibiities.

Use What You Have Paper Craft

Paper Bag Plant or Flower Wall Vase

This is a fairly easy way to make a wall pocket or gift tag, without a pattern or without expensive papers. It can be made from brown paper bag material or card stock.

The strongest, thickest, and best brown paper bags are made by Weyerhauser or International Paper, which are used in most grocery stores. The worst are from Safeway grocery store: they tear too easily and fall apart when they have to carry something. Just look at the bottom of the bag to see where it is made.

Fold a piece of brown paper and draw half of the shape of your choice. This one fits over a door handle. IF you are not certain, just hold it up to a door handle and try to estimate the size. You do not have to have a perfect pattern. Any mistakes can just be covered up with decorating.

After you make your pattern, cut another piece the same size, minus the handle, and glue three sides. I've used hand made flour paste. To keep the handle from being too flimsy, just cut another piece and glue it on top of the other one.

Hold it together with clothespins til it dries. Make some other varieties while waiting for it to dry. If you like a rustic or primitive look, you can leave it like and add some appropriate decorations, such as clip art, buttons, string, fabric.

Here is a really large one, about the size of a large vase. I have cut a small notch in the handle to make it hang better, and have also cut a little dip in the front piece so that flowers will display better.

To make your own flowers, cut stems from paper, white or colored, and make 5 petal flowers to glue on top. Add a set of leaves to each one. Place each stem inside the pocket. Though they do not look like much right now, when colored with crayons, they look fabulous.

Here is one of the wall pockets left as brown paper, with stickers and buttons applied, and some fake flowers.

This is the small one, and it is one layer, as it is only a gift tag made of card stock. You could make it from anything you have, though, including cardboard from any box you have in your kitchen. Just cover it with the paper you like.

If you don't have fancy paper, cover it with white construction paper or any plain paper and add your own clippings.

Here is the other size, which also fits a business size envelope, if you want to make a card out of it. It has been painted with craft paint, and a rose sticker added, from the dollar store. These come in sheets of about 24 stickers for a dollar.

This is the pattern for the one above. Highlight it and see if you can put it on another document on your computer and print it out.

Unfortunately, there are some lines showing from the other side of this. The one you copy is the darker lines. This is the tag and the other size of wall pocket or card, plus the flower pattern. The stem is on the other page.

Now for the wall pocket on the top of this page: It has been painted with a craft paint, and let dry. After that it was brushed with clear glitter glue and let dry. Then, an oval was cut out of an old calendar page (Janet Kruskamp was the artist). A faint decoration was made above and below the image, with a rubber stamp.

If you do not have a stencil with ovals and squares and circles, you probably have things in your house you can use: the bottom of a glass or cup, a salt shaker, a spice jar, or, remember all those "windows" that are on boxes of spaghetti, or in some other box, such as a box of soap? Use those for your ovals and squares and circles. Just collect the pieces and trace inside them when you need a shape.

Rick rack trim from my sewing stash was glued down and held with a clothespin til it dried, and the oval was outlined with tee shirt paint, which is sometimes only about 50c and lasts for a long, long time. I've had some of that paint around for years and found out you can use it on paper crafts. It gives you a chance to use up some of your craft supplies. To make your own rick-rack or decorative edging, just use special shaped scissors and glitter paper or craft paper. If you don't have those supplies, you can draw your own on paper and cut them out and glue them down. You do not have to buy things to be creative. You can find a lot of things at home from old cards to pictures on boxes. If you have a sticker-maker, you can cut things from magzines and make your own stickers.

If you want to put a living plant or a bouquet of real flowers in this wall pocket, here is how you do it:

Dig up your plant, or pick your flowers.

Put the stems or roots inside a plastic sandwich bag or any plastic bag, and add water.

Put all that inside another plastic bag, such as one of those white grocery bags.

Slip it all inside of the wall pocket.

Paper Bag Cover

This project is incredibly easy. It is a dome to cover a meal or snack on a tray, to give to someone special. Make tea and toast and take it to someone who is recovering from illness, and just leave it with them as a gift.

Lay out a heavy paper grocery sack and cut across just where the fold is at the bottom, like this. This craft will not work as well with thin bags, but you could also just use a a large shoe box or any other kind of box.

Roll up the lower edge all around the bag, about 1/4 inch , twice, to make it sit upright.

Then flatten it again and apply your favorite papers. Thin papers work much better than the luxury papers or cardstocks. You can also use magazine clippings. Gardening pictures work well. Turn the project over and decorate the other sides.

Tie a big bow and secure it on the sides of the bag with glue. fastening with clothespins til dry. Use the bow as a handle to lift the cover from the tray. Find a very sturdy cardboard lid or box for your tray. The tray can also be a beautiful art project. If you will use decoupage glue or some kind of craft glaze over the papers, it takes on a high quality look.

The picture below is something interesting. One of the children wanted to give me something special. He knew I didn't want him to spend money, and he knew I liked pink. He made me a pink laptop. Notice how he spelled "internet." It is probably more appropriate ;-) He even included Bollywood discs for me to watch. I guess if children have paper, they think they can have anything!


This is just a piece of pink paper folded in half, with the screen on the upper side and the keyboard on the lower side.

Updates

For more photographs like this, go to The Bella Cottage

Lillibeth's newsletter, The Pleasant Times, has been updated for May. She has put all of one month's posts on one page, to be read like a monthly newsletter, so the page load will be slower. http://www.thepleasanttimes.blogspot.com/

I just love the beginning of every month, because the picture on the calendar changes. It has been such a boost to do this in overcast weather, that I have made up my mind to get a pretty calender for ever single room next year. One is not enough! Turning the page on a new calendar is like getting a new painting in your home every month. There are calendar frames available now, which I would really recommend to give the picture a great showcase.

This year, the calendar from Victorian Trading Company has had beautiful paintings from the 19th century. Their site also provides greeting cards with the old paintings on them, which you can frame. Don't be misled by the word "old" because the paintings of the past are vibrant and full of meaning.

The other calendar I have enjoyed is from Dennis Lewan, a painter in Scotland. Click on his name and go and see the beautiful slide show of his work, shown inside a gilded frame. He paints teddy bears in his paintings, which you have to look hard to find, and names his streets and shops after bears. He also puts angels in the clouds, although you cant really tell unless you look at the picture for awhile.

I am looking forward to Susan Rios and Sandra Kuck producing a calendar. There is a way to put your favorite calendar pictures from old calenders, into a hand made frame. I will demonstrate it when I get my crafty-wafty mood back.

THe beginning of each much is also wonderful because generous ladies online do things each month for the home. I have always enjoyed the Mantel of the Month and keep thinking one day I'm going to decorate a shelf or a mantel in a way that makes me smile. I keep trying, but I still think her arrangements are the best. They are not all white and some are very eclectic, so be sure to click on the other months.

Another place to visit at the beginning of the month is The Old Painted Cottage where she has a cottage-of-the-month picture series. While it wont suit everyone, sometimes there is a little detail that can be adapted to yourself and your own own. I first began looking at these types of tours to get ideas of how to manage when you could not buy a matching set of anything all at once. I tried once to buy a couch I liked, hoping to eventually get the other pieces. It was so expensive, that by the time I could afford the coordinating things, the couch was considerably more worn and no longer matched. These sites gave me some ideas of how to live with a bit of this and a bit of that and make it all charming.

Enchanted Makeovers has a home of the month, and I enjoy looking at the archives, so be sure to go down to the end of the page and look at all the other months. I wish they would enchant me with a makeover--I think I have given up! When you have had a leak , it is never a matter of just fixing a leak. One thing leads to another, until you discover rot in all the walls and then you need the entire thing gutted out. Now I know why Extreme Makeover, Home Edition, sent the family away to a resort, while they made over the house, and now I know why they sometimes knocked the entire house down and started over. Some of the commotion is unsettling if you are tyring to have a normal home life. The storybook house is a lot of fun to look at !


Not every thing is shabby at Shabby Suite of the Month but it has not had a new suite in two years. However you can look at the archives and be uplifted by the dramatic use of color in several of these home tours. It is fun to stage a room and take pictures. Even if you have to remove the fancy pillows and clear off the coffee table afterwards, it always gives a lift to have it looking beautiful for a moment just for a photograph, and to give you some practice if you ever really want to arrange a room for a special occasion. Having a practice day can give you the experience and confidence you need if you ever have to make it over for a special occasion.

If you cant afford the magazines with the beautiful photoes, Cottage Blog has beautiful photographs of house inspiration. Not everyone will like all of it but there may be something that will make you feel good.

And, if you do not have enough to do (ha ha) go and have a look at the Homemade Thingshere. She makes it all look so beautiful.

WHile these sites will not suit everyone's likes and dislikes, they show ideas of how to use things that you might have put away, such as your grandmother's vases and doilies and old furniture. They show new ways to use old things and incorporate new things.

Mo's Cottageis fun to look, too! And, don't forget to look at the beautiful paintings for you home at Lovely Whatevers.

"B y wisdom a house is builded,
And by understanding
It is established;
By knowledge the rooms are filled
With all pleasant and precious riches." Proverbs 24:3-4

There. Now you know you are allowed to stuff the house with things you like ;-)

Sometimes people take it wrong, when they look at show homes in their neighborhood, or flip through a pretty magazine of homes. They lose their contentment and give up, thinking they can never have it all, so why bother. I've always looked at things like this for ideas for myself that I can innovate without spending money, and I have always rejoiced that there are speople with such ability to make life joyful through the appearance of the house. To make it availble to us, is also a great blessing, because we know there is hope for the crumbling house. Women are naturally drawn to the home, to nesting, to making it soft and pretty and to serving their families. The comforts of the house are their main focus. Add to the beautiful arrangements the smell of good food, some music, freshly ironed clothing and a happy homemaker, and you have some of the ingredients to creating a place where people would rather be.

Card Craft

It takes a little more effort to make this pretty paper napkin or gift-tissue covered card, but it is worth a try, just to get this artistic result.

Cut a card and fold it three ways, making two sections exactly the same, and the top piece smaller, as shown on the right in the picture. Just use the long side of a piece of card stock, and cut it to fit your envelope.

The materials used were scalloped tissue paper, card stock, ribbon, high quality plastic food-wrap.

Lay a piece of brown paper bag on the ironing board. On top of that, put your card, and on top of it, a layer of saran wrap, like you see in the picture.

Then put your paper napkin over the saran wrap (it will have to be separated, and just use the printed layer), and on top of that, another piece of brown paper bag.

With iron on hottest setting, press down firmly and then iron back and forth a little. Every few seconds, lift up the iron. This will melt the plastic and make a bond between the napkin and the card.

Let the layers cool a little bit and then peel back the brown paper. Press again directly on the card, just to catch any parts that did not stick to the card, and to give it a nice smooth surface.

Trim around the decorative scallops and trim off excess tissue paper.

P
Place a ribbon handle inside the top fold, with clear tape. Outline the edges with Polymer or Scribbles paint from a tube, and add a jewel to the middle of the flap by making it with glitter glue inside a round circle. It does have some drying time, so if you want instant results, use your gell pens or some paper trims. You can put a message on the inside.

You can do this with any patterned paper if you want to have less trouble.

I have a few more ideas coming up soon.

The Art of T.C. Chiu

House on the Harbor, by T.C. Chiu from Lovely Whatevers

While there are many artists that are easily recognizable by certain aspects of their style, T.C. Chiu paints in many different ways. You cannot say "Oh, that is the man that paints the scenes of the Carribean," or "He paints hummingbirds," because his 1000 or more paintings on the web have so many color schemes and themes.


T.C. Chiu, whose homeland was China, came to America in 1974, where he continued painting his colorful scenes. This artist is as adept at painting a seascape as he is a child's room. Painted phrases like "Love Never Fails" (Ist Corinthians 13) and "In Everything Give Thanks, For This is the Will of God," (Ist Thessalonians 5:18), or "God Bless Our Home," as well as beautiful paintings of open windows or shelves of family heirlooms, show a love for the home.


This art depicts fresh scenes of flower shops in France and beautiful homes from the Victorian era in America. You can go to Lovely Whatevers to enjoy some of the paintings of this versatile Christian artist.


Art for the home does not have to be "storebought." It can consist of a child's drawing or scenery torn from a country magazine. Its purpose is to reassure the family and inspire the heart. Women at home naturally watch for the souls of their loved ones. Good art that elevates the soul will help them develop stability and a love for the home.


I recently came upon an interesting book review from the year 1837, called "The Civilization of the Human Race by Women," written by L. Aime Martin. The review suggests that the woman contributes something more important to the world when she uses her heart to guide the home and care for the souls of her loved ones:


"...her honor is most promoted by excellence in her own sphere, as a wife, a mother, the guardian of the young, mistress of the home, arbiter of society."


You can read part of that review, here on this post:
http://homeliving.blogspot.com/2003/05/womens-sphere-of-influence-on.html


It might interest women that the same ignorance existed regarding women's purpose then, as it does today. The book warned of the folly of getting too distracted into careers, and neglecting the most important kind of education there is for a country.


This book showed one aspect of marriage: that it pevented the lesser fates for women, those of being regulated to a boarding school, or being forced to become a governness. As I have said before, marriage is a great protection from being bossed around by the rest of the world and having to go from one institution to another. It is a domain all her own, where she decides how her day will be ordered, and where she can create respect and honor.




If you are concerned about recent events, you may get some knowledge that will be helpful here:
Dr. Mercola

update http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/05/05/Swine-Flu-Update.aspx

For Better, For Worse

Le Dispute By Frederick Kaemmerer




(Dutch, 1839-1902)

Every marriage has bright times and dim times. Before the therapists, before the counsellors, before the no-fault divorce laws, before advice columns, before "self-help" and pop-psychology, the down-times were considered the "for-worse" part of the marriage, and taken in stride. When the "worse" happened, it was a time to apply the medicine from the marriage manual, found in the Good Book.

Some of these scriptures are:

Ephesians chapter 5

Colossians 3:19

Titus 2

1st Peter 3:1-7

Of course there are many more examples, inferences, and direct commands found in the Bible regarding marriage, but these few will suffice for the sake of illustration.

Common complaints in marriage are:

1. The husband is not taking some responsibility that is his.

2. The husband seems discontent and ungrateful at home.

3. The husband is critical.

Many women read sermons and articles that say a man should be the "spiritual leader." Most young men are not taught to fill such a big order. It is one of those learn-as-you-grow attributes that they develop during their marriage. Ist Corinthians 13 provides the perfect law to follow when someone else is not behaving the way they should: Just be kind, patient, and unselfish. Sometimes it will seem that the wife is giving more than her fair share of forbearance, but instead of looking at how much each person is "giving," it would be better to give your 100% in marriage and ignore the failings of the other person. That way, you can at least have a clear conscience that you are doing what you are able to do.

Men also need to understand that women enter a learning situation when they marry. Some wives will not have had the benefit of growing up with a mother at home who shows the example. Occasionally a husband will expect a wife to be able to manage perfectly at home without feeling lonely or discouraged, and without needing them to support them emotionally. To add to her burden, a man may adopt the world's belief that his obligation to his wife and family stops with providing a living. He may be neglecting the real needs of his family, thinking that once he has paid the rent and provided food, he has done enough. He may be complacent about his family, the very people that he has spent entire days earning money for.

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Then, there are those who may criticise their wives. More often than not, men who do this, are not getting the ideas all by themselves. The modern work place provides fertile ground for talk and gossip about what every employee is doing and what their mates are also doing. The most common question asked of a fellow employee is "Where does your wife work?" The husbands of homemakers can be made to feel inferior because their wives are are not employed outside the home. Women at work may ask these men how in the world they can survive without their wives getting a paycheck also. Relatives may also be adding fuel, by commenting to the husband that his wife is "crazy."

These are just a couple of things that may unsettle the women at home. She notices it because she is dedicated to her family and sensitive to the atmosphere at home. Her dream is to have a happy and successful home. This happiness is dependent on the family being cooperative in that dream; by honoring the mother and respecting the homemaker. While the husband may provide the money for furnishings, it is the wife who creates comfort from them. Her role must not be demeaned.

Sometimes these attitudes come home to roost and the wife doesn't know what is going on. She only knows that she is being put-down and criticised and she can't figure out what she is doing that is bringing on this disapproval. Where ever the attitudes are coming from, and whatever they are, they are a result of lack of faith. God's word clearly allows women to be home minding their own business, and gives the men the responsibility of providing for their families. There will be those who will cast doubt on this system, because they have not lived it long enough to understand how it can be successful.

In the face of such unbelief, the wife can find relief in the scriptures addressed to the wife of an unbeliever. Of course, your husband may be a "believer" and even go to church with you, but he may suffer unbelief about certain things. In living with unbelievers, God instructs them to conduct themselves in a Christian way. (Ist Peter 3:1). The conversation (defined as "conduct") of the wife will go a long way to converting the unbeliever. There are always little areas of doubt in people's lives, that are quickly put to rest when they see the good results.

A man may not understand homeschooling, for example, but when he sees that his children are better behaved and more honoring toward him, and that they have a better grasp of language and reasoning, he may come around to believing that it is the best way. (That is just an example. This is not an article on the pros and cons of home schooling.) Another example could be in the area of home grown food or home made bread. Maybe a husband does not see the value of it but when it is proven to him by a delicious meal, he is won over. This is partly what Ist Peter 3:1 means when it says that the husband may be "won" by the good conduct of his wife.

So then, the unbeliever in the case of the wife being at home, will be won by the example of the wife and the good conduct of the wife. She cannot neglect her home. She cannot be out running around with girlfriends or spending money on entertainment, and she cannot give up her job at home and let it all fall apart when the unbeliever comes home with a discouraging word.

The unbeliever will be watching his wife. If she complains about the home, acts upset or discontent, and lets her appearance "go" he will conclude that homemaking is not a worthwhile job and that she should be out working for wages. It is important, therefore, that the wife make a believer out of him. She will not have to talk him into believing. She will not have to argue with him. She only has to follow First Peter 3:1.

This will be a long-term effort, that may not pay off until a little time has passed. I have seen husbands who were dubious and even critical about certain aspects of home life. The wife patiently stayed steady on her course of keeping the home, improving it, guiding the children, and creating a wonderful atmosphere for herself and her family. When I say "patiently" I mean that she saw it as a goal that would be fulfilled later on in life. She knew it would bring both she and her husband a great deal of happiness and success later on in life. Years later when others began asking him the secret of his good marriage and beautiful home life, he would say that he supported his family so that his wife could be the guide of the home. He forgot the roadblocks he put in her way and saw only the good report she had brought on them.

Although our husbands are not "enemies" they may reflect the attitudes and words of others who doubt the value of the home. Therefore, you can apply the example of doing good to your enemy, and feeding him when he is hungry. Sometimes arguments and grumpiness occur right after a husband comes home from work, and are a result of low-blood sugar and lack of rest. Sometimes they are believing things they have heard. Sometimes they suffer from peer-pressure. Sometimes they are distracted and have lost their way. Women at home can apply these scriptures to their own lives and make a big difference in the lives of their husbands and children.

In the midst of the construction and household upheaval (floor and walls, etc) that seems to be ever present in my own home, people have often asked me how I keep from going bonkers. That is a term that means you have lost your mind. Word around my home is that I do not go "bonkers," I go "Bollywood." I have watched some of the films from India that were made in the 1960's and 1970's, and found some of them to have the timely values that were once very present in marriages in this country.

One film, which literally translated, means "Heaven and Hell," showcased three married couples. One couple was very happy. One was outwardly happy, and the third was deeply troubled. Throughout the film it showed how the women made a difference in the outcome of their marriages, by working the power that they had within them to change things.

In one example, a woman tore apart her own marriage by suspicion and retaliation. Another woman had a husband with bad character, but she stayed with him and kept to her duties at home. Eventually her example helped him to come to his senses. Another husband did not seem to have a reliable way of earning a living, but his wife had faith in him, and did not worry. In the end, words on the screen stated that a wife had the responsibility of creating a good home life for her husband. It said that marriage could be Heaven, or it could be Hell. While watching these ending words come across the screen, I could imagine the ridicule such a film would have been received by feminists in this country. It probably would have been banned before was even broadcast. Yet, it contained the same things that our people were taught in past centuries; things our preachers used to preach in sermons, that made marriages successful.

If you know anyone in this kind of situation, they may have trouble grasping the long-term idea that I have presented here, so I will give a few short-term things that are very helpful in a tense situation.

1. Consider the source of the criticism. It could be coming from a news report that the sky is going to fall if your wife is not employed outside the home. It could be coming from a friend or relative that has spoken a few negative words about you, or it could be coming from the workplace, where there could be some jealousy that you are at home while they have to "work."

Most marriage problems come as a result of things outside the marriage. If you are doing what you are supposed to do at home, and he is doing what he is supposed to be doing by working by the sweat of his brow to earn his bread, there shouldn't be any major problems. Most of the things that upset a marriage will come from somewhere outside of the marriage--the media, or pressure from other sources. He may be in debt and you do not know the extent of it. Then, he confides in someone at work about the stress, and they, in turn, will offer a solution--to send the wife to work outside the home. You may not have done anything wrong at all. Your husband may be just assaulted by ideas from all sides; ideas that make him doubt your worth as a homemaker.

2. Have company. This always provides some kind of relief if you sense you are going to have another night of disagreement on the subject. Remember in "Wives and Daughters" that Mrs. Hamley told Molly something like , "Mr. Hamley is so angry, and that is why your being here is such a relief." People are less likely to attack or argue or blow up if there is company present. They do not want to give a bad impression to guests. Company offers the couple a chance to get outside of themselves and serve someone else. It puts some normality into the situation when you have to sit down to tea or a meal.

3. When you feel you are being disrespected, get busy at something. People in the past always believed that if members of the family had time to sit around and criticise others in the home, that they didn't have enough work to do. When there is any hint of criticism, just start cleaning a shelf, washing some dishes, cooking, or doing something productive. (In such cases as these, even the vacuum cleaner can be a blessing ;-)

4. Have something that you like to do that always gives you joy. Projects that are your very own, from art to personal enterprise will play a powerful part in your life. Maybe you can re-decorate a room or sew some new clothes for the season, or create a gift basket full of things for someone else. Take a friend to the local tea room or visit your favorite shops. Go on excursions that will give you new ideas for your home life. It will help you to rise above the petty problems that come into the home. Pamper yourself by dressing well and taking care of your hair, etc. These things, though seemingly small, play a big part in the respect you send out to others and the respect you receive. Improving your home and yourself is constructive and eventually wins the unbeliever.

Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
Rom 12:11 Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;
Rom 12:12 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;
Rom 12:13 Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.
Rom 12:14 Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.
Rom 12:15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
Rom 12:16 Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.
Rom 12:17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
Rom 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Rom 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
Rom 12:20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
Rom 12:21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Should you divorce him? The scriptures are clear about living with "unbelievers". First Corinthians 7:10-14 answers this question. If divorce has crossed your mind just because your husband has kind of checked-out of the marriage or become detached or less dedicated, but he is still with you, you need to consider that a plus. If you go to a divorce court, the first thing a judge will do is order the wife to get a minimum wage paying job. He will then subtract what you earn from the amount that your husband is supposed to give you. You may lose your home and all your possessions. If you cut loose your husband, you enable him to go on to other marriages and bring on the same troubles, have more children, create more debt and get more stress on his life. There will be heartache and bitterness from the children and other relatives, for years to come. Those who have been through this will willingly tell you.

Even if your husband is not behaving the way you wish, your family is a lot better off if you are all under the same roof. These times will pass and you will be awfully glad you waited and did not leave. This is the "for worse" times that marriage was created to endure. It was not created only to enjoy good times. It was created as a support structure for troubled times, as well. Giving up only adds more problems to your life.

Please note:The film "Swarg Narak" is available on instant play on Netflix, and should be viewed privately, first. It is not for children. There is some worldliness depicted in it, such as in the case of one of the husbands who goes out to parties, etc. It should be viewed only by mature women, and I do not remember if there was any objectionable language .